how I got here 3.0

the last chapter of this series.

as the bus started to move, silent tears came down my face. After 30 minutes or so, I saw a sign that said: “you are now leaving Mexico city” ( esta saliendo de la ciudad) if there such thing as someone’s soul leaves your body, well that happened to me right there.

I turned to face the guy sitting next to me and introduced myself, he shook my hand and told me his name: Gabriel.

right away i told him that we should take turns sleeping and on stops take turns getting out of the bus to stretch our legs. how did i came up with that? i don’t know..

I also told him that I had 6 or so tortas and candy that i packed for the road, so no need to buy food for a while and that I was, of course, willing to share. He also brough some food and gum and juice (jumex) to share.

I believe we did not share more or talked anymore until we got to Guadalajara, we both got out of the bus, breaking the rules, and decided to eat some of the tortas (sandwiches) and to buy some coffee, it was a cold morning.

after we got back on the bus, we took turns sleeping. we also decided no to talk to each other on the bus as we were 2 city boys and lots of times people from Mexico City are not too well received in some parts of the country, at least in those days.

Next stop: Tepic, Nayarit. The town looked beautiful, we were told that the bus was going to stay there for more than an hour. So we decided to walk around and as expected, people looked at us kind of strange. We both were hungry but decided not to eat food because we did not want to get sick, so we bought treats from a corner store.

As we were eating, it was then that we finally started to get to know each other a little bit. About our friends, family and what to look forward in Chicago. turned out that the coyote was his uncle and Gabriel was going to live with him in the city. I thought “ well, at least the coyote is going to protect his family, and in that case also take care of me” Once we got back to the bus, we have a better time talking with each other, also the bus was making several stops, and the bus was not that full anymore.

let’s remember that this was 1989, so no cell phones.

I do remember looking out of the window a lot. It took us 3 days to get to Piedras Negras on the border of Mexico and Arizona. During that travel, several times “los federales” (Mexican army) did came inside the bus and asked questions: “where are you going?” “why?” and such, luckily some guy told us not to say that we were going to the border, instead he suggested to say that we were backpacking to Baja California, so we said that.

We were instructed by the coyote to go to a hotel room and say his name, we did that and they gave us a room with 2 beds. But we were so excited to be by the border and were really hungry that we just left our backpacks and were out of the room ready to go explore. We walked right to the border and saw border patrol and a tower with guards in it. As we started to look for a restaurant someone approach us to sell us “perico” (cocaine). And, well we just had to.

Found a restaurant that looked good and not too pricey and ate there. Went back to the hotel and took turns taking a shower, while he was taking his turn at the shower, I took off my clothes and washed them in the sink and put them to dry by hanging them on a door, then it was my turn at the shower, I took a long time. When i finally made it out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, he was laying down in the bed still naked with just a towel covering his private parts. I though “ Not here at the border!”. I slowly got close to him and touched his leg. Sadly, for both of us, his uncle decided to knock at the door then and we both jumped at the sound of that.

Many times, i had felt ashamed to tell this story because I know of many stories where people walked for months, crossed the river, walked over mountains, got raped, got robbed, or worse ! I mean people die trying to cross the border. And yet, here I was in an hotel taking long showers, almost having sex, eating at a restaurant. just having a good time, hanging with another city boy in this adventure.

The coyote asked us if we were hungry and we said yes, so he sent us to get Hot dogs: “ i want mine with chili”, he said. chili? what was that? he explained to us that it was a mix of “beans and meat” oh no, i don’t want no beans on my hot dogs!, lol. it was plain hot dogs for me and gabriel.

I also learned later on that people that cross the border together are supposed to stay friends forever and sort of help each other, sort of like a pact, an unspoken pact. a tradition, I guess.

The coyote then told us to go to sleep because we have to get up really early, like 4am, because a taxi was going to come get us. Gabriel and his uncle slept in one bed, me in the other. At 4am, we were wake up by a knock at the door: the taxi driver. Soon the 3 of us plus a couple with a newborn made it into the taxi.

The taxi was just a diversion, like to show the guards at the crossing that we were like tourist coming back to the states, or something. The taxi then dropped us at a bus terminal, and we all got in. The coyote went and found two 13 years old boys ( 13!) who were the ones that helped us to cross the border. he went to the crossing and walked right by with his visa.

The 2 boys, literally boys, cut a metal wire wall in half and we all crossed thru that! That simple. we then walked one at a time to the back of a Dominick’s store, no more than 10 steps! and we waited there, no more than 5 minutes. and then we walked to the front of the store, and we just sat there, like we were just hanging out after shopping! we could clearly see the guards and their guns in the tower. We were told to walk one by one to another taxi, in a taxi terminal, and we all got in and the taxi took off. All of that happened in less than 30 minutes!

Still, we all could feel the tension in the taxicab, and then a border patrol car was pulling next to us on the highway on our way to Phoenix, so the taxi driver said: “let’s put some music” and he started to play Jose Luis Guerra y 440.

and that is how i came up with the 4:40 number. from then on until my mom passed away, I will call her every day at 4:40 pm. every day!

We drove for a while to a house of some friends of the coyote. It was a house that some 14 guys lived together, all Mexican. but it was still early in the day on that Saturday, so we had to wait outside. A lesbian couple come out and told the mom and the newborn to go inside their home, it was Arizona and was very hot, there she feed the baby, and she made us lemonade. The coyote went and got us some chicken, and we ate on the back of the guy’s house.

At about 5pm the guys started to arrive at their house, and they were so nice. We took another shower and ironed our clothes, they also made dinner and invited us to a Mexican dance hall, where we drank tequila with them. they made up some beds on the floor and we slept there. Sunday morning, I wake up with Gabriel looking right at my face, we laughed and we kissed.

after breakfast, the guys took us all to a flea market and at night to the airport.

the coyote bough the tickets and we waited for like an hour.

it was that simple.

it took me 5 days to get from Mexico City to Chicago.

As we were seated on the plane, Gabriel sat next to me and his uncle somewhere else.

Gabriel and I finally were able to smile and laugh with ease and a little more confidence. sadly, i never saw Gabriel again.

I looked out of the window: dreaming. What’s going to happen to me? Will i make friends? Will I be happy? hopes and dreams returning to me. Will I be able to heal?

Finally, something that I have wished from the time that I was 10 years old was going to happen.

From a distance I could hear the voice of the stewardess, and almost like in slow motion, my dream, my wish. Something that I have been rehearsing for almost ten years was about to happen. I have waited for this moment. I was about to turn a bad thing into something good, something healing. change.

“What would you like to drink” she asked.

and in an almost perfect English, I said:

“Orange juice with ice, please”

36 years ago, this year. 2025.

and, I’m still here. not perfect, still healing.

There are millions of reasons that people come to this country: political, economic, repression. etc.

I came to this country to be happy. meeting you all, been friends with you all has been the joy of my life.

I love you.

Gerardo Marciano

queer from Mexico city

i like orange juice.